Thursday, March 8, 2007

Spotplex etc.

Hey all, just found this thing called Spotplex while siz-urfing the niz-et...seems pretty cool, of course you need an invite to join it until its out of beta. From what I understand, it will publicize your blog and keep track of how many people visit the site etc...I guess the more popular your blog is, the better it gets ranked on Spotplex.

Back to work for me today for the first time this week. I really wish there was a way to make money without doing anything, cuz I would be all over that shit. I have immensely enjoyed this week off and I'd be lying if I told you I was looking forward to going back to the shit hole that is my job to deliver pizzas to ungrateful fuckers....but that's the life of a delivery boy...never knowing how you'll pay next months bills, just hoping that you won't have been shot by some customer who wants the $58 you have in your pocket...blah blah blah... Talk to you later bloganamaningnang world.

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Monday, March 5, 2007

Even Though My Balls are Big, Sometimes I Wish They Were Bigger

So I've been doing a lot of drinking and I've decided that it stops me from being the productive person i know I can be. Rather than stopping with all the drinking I think I'm just going to be an unproductive alcoholic for the rest of my life...why not right? Who needs a real job and a house...people who don't think you smell bad? A wife...2 1/2 kids...a dog...a sex doll for when your wife is away on business trips? Oh life is a shambles.

Nah, I'm just kidding guys, I'm taking it easy on the booze and trying to get back into the swing of writing more often, although, the booze is what helped so many writers be productive, so I'm not sure its gonna work the way I plan.

I read an article in Reuters' Oddly Enough section about some parents beating up a principal in Italy over their son's bad grades. This is why Italians are crazy as fuck. I know what you're thinking..."I'm Italian you piece of shit! Go fuck yourself!" But seriously, chances are that if you are Italian, you are a crazy bastard and willing to beat the shit out of some principal or cop over grades or a damn soccer game.

In other news, my testicles are growing way too large lately. They are rivaling Mars and Jupiter and may soon even be as big as the swing of Tiger Woods.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Sorry Guys

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been doing any posting this week. I don't really have a good excuse...I just haven't felt like it really, plus I've been out a lot. I'm gonna start up again next week and hopefully keep it going...I'm a giant douche.

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Friday, February 16, 2007


Missed a post this week on the Periodical Informant, sorry about that loyalists (aka Ben). In the future I will try to be more on time with my musings on how shit is crazy. New issue of Cheat Sheet comes out this Sunday for anyone who forgot, that should be fun for the whole family.

God, I hate work. Wednesday sucked, it was snowing like a bitch, I pinballed off a curb, busted my ass inside a company with a bunch of professional looking people around...saved the pizza though, worked for an extra hour. Oh well, I guess this is life. If anyone knows of any sweet jobs that pay approx. 30-35 grand a year and are accepting people like me who have a shitty resume but graduated college, let me know, cuz I can't deal with this delivery shit too much longer. Sick of my boss, sick of everyone that works there...except you Ben. Why can't I make a living hanging out with friends and bullshitting? Meh, I guess it could be a lot worse...but then I probably wouldn't have time to bitch about it. Good day sir.

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

So I'm currently browsing the (kinda) new website for Bella Roma, where I work. What a piece of crap, I've seen so many spelling errors my head is spinning, the picture is already out of date, it doesn't show up in any search engines...the list goes on. What the hell did he pay this guy for? Bah...Anyway, its pretty good food if that's what you're in the mood for so give a call, I deliver most days (11am-2:30pm to the immediate surrounding area).

I'm actually heading there in about 45 minutes, working on Saturday blows donkey nuts.

Just started reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell pretty interesting stuff so far. It talks about the point at which something stops being an isolated event and becomes an epidemic. Can't really say much about it as I'm only about 30 pages in but I've heard very good things.

Alright, I'm done with this, time to start getting ready for work. Later.

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Tuesday, February 6, 2007

D'oh Zone Layer

Well guys, we're all officially screwed. Now, when we need to get off the planet because we've destroyed it, we won't be able to because of the thick blanket of debris floating around up there.
Early this year, after a half-century of growth, the federal list of detectable objects (four inches wide or larger) reached 10,000, including dead satellites, spent rocket stages, a camera, a hand tool and junkyards of whirling debris left over from chance explosions and destructive tests.

That happened after China purposely blew up a satellite to make sure that they could. Thanks a lot China. Apparently we can use space robots or lasers to clear it out. Another option would be helper monkeys we send up there to collect the scrap metal for their monkey museum. Face it, no one here is getting out alive. At least we prevent the aliens from coming and taking over, unless they have robots or lasers or monkeys.

In other news apparently TBS reached a settlement with Boston for $2 million, which sucks retarded balls. Boston you are a bunch of whiny pussies.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Showtime, or: Milan, Milan, Milan, and Milan (He Strums Hot Fire)

Just went to a great show, Milan + Band. Had a great time, major highlights included Milan playing with his teeth and behind his back, and Edwin's drum solo. There was a damn good trumpet player who turned out to be my friend Melanie's ex-band teacher. Also, getting drunk was a good time. Bought a $5 cd and listened to was great, my only qualm was the fact that I listened to it twice through on the way home, way too short for such great music. If anyone is interested it looked like they had a bunch of cd's left, they are definitely worth it. The biggest disappointment should have been the best track on the album, the second song, "10,000 People" bothered me a bit because I felt like it was just starting as it ended, done way too soon. Oh well, I guess that's life...just when you think you're rocking it turns out you're rolling. I'm way too drunk for to you fuckers later.

Edit: To add to this, the song "Killing Room" is also quite awesome and features a great rapper by the name of O.N.E.

Friday, February 2, 2007

The Trouble with Boston

Attempt number one at quitting smoking failed miserably yesterday when, while delivering pizza, I was rounded up by the cops doing an inspection sticker sting and got busted for being one day over due. That's not to mention the fact that I was then 20 minutes late with my delivery and got shit for a tip. To top it all off my car got rejected for its busted headlight. What a day. Attempt number two coming soon. In US news...

The fiasco in Boston was, I think, awesome. It was perpetrated by a couple of hippie bastards who, in this interview, have absolutely no regard for the media trying to make it more serious than it really was. Guys after my own heart. They're talking about a 750,000 lawsuit against TBS...are you fucking kidding me? Mooninite terrorists 4eva yo.

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Sunday, January 28, 2007

Being William Gibson

Apparently I'm William Gibson. Which I think is pretty damn cool though I'm sad to say I haven't read any of his work...yet. I hear very good things though and I'm damn sure I'll enjoy it. Hey, you should take this and let me know which Sci-Fi Writer you are, just post it in the comments.

I am:
William Gibson
The chief instigator of the "cyberpunk" wave of the 1980s, his razzle-dazzle futuristic intrigues were, for a while, the most imitated work in science fiction.

Which science fiction writer are you?

Found this courtesy of Warren Ellis at The Engine. I think its kinda nifty. It's a nifty gifty, for you.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007

Friends in High Places

Knowing cops is pretty much the best thing ever. On my way home from my friend's house last Sunday after watching the football games and drinking about 9 or 10 beers I was pulled over for pretty much running a red light. Mind you I didn't really run the light, it was yellow when I was underneath it, but that's neither here nor there. The cop pulled me over and we subsequently had this conversation:

(I start getting my shit out of the glove box to give to the guy)

Cop (as he's walking up to my window): License and registration pl...HEY MAN, what the fuck are you doin' running my lights?

Me: Oh, hey man, what's up. I'm really sorry about that, I was looking down at my radio for a second and couldn't stop in time.

Cop: Oh yeah? (Shines the flashlight in my eyes and laughs) What were you doin' tonight? Smokin' weed?

Me: Nah, I don't do that.

Cop: Crack? Heroin? You drinking?

Me: I was drinkin a little bit watching the ball games.

Cop: Oh yeah? Who won?

Me: The Bears and the Colts...I picked one out of two.

Cop: Oh yeah? Good for you, alright get home and slow down.

(I drive away)

God bless America.

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Friday, January 26, 2007

And the Cold Shall Devour Us All

Wow, its fucking cold...which got me to thinking, why haven't we invented a global weather control device yet? What the hell is this crap? We could grow crops year round , feed the homeless, house the homeless (outside that is), stop global warming, make movies in which evil plots are thought up to fuck with the machine that controls it, there are all kinds of things we could do with this. Anybody wanna work on it with me?

Anyway, in the realm of real life, I'm doing pretty well updating my news blog consistently, 'bout to start publishing a web comic on which could be either funny or stupid so I guess we'll find out about that, I think I'm gonna update that every Sunday. Still got that comic book review site on my plate with Ben which should be good times. Full schedule, I wish any of these things made me money and gave me health insurance, that'd be way better than trying to find a new job.

What if all inanimate objects could actually feel pain and suffer and were in reality smarter than humans but had no way to express themselves? Wouldn't that be depressing?

What if I made sense sometimes? What if you cared? What if you were a rhinoceros?

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Self Help is the Most Important Help of the Day

I need to get on top of my shit. Small list of things I really friggin need to do:
1) Get a new job.
2) Get my insurance bullshit figured out.
3) Get back to work on the short story I pretty much abandoned about a month ago.
4) Start exercising regularly.
5) Start eating healthier.

Well I dunno if I'm gonna do all of this but its nice to write it down and get it out there in the open.

In other news, I just finished reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman and I highly recommend his prosical stylings to anyone who's even partway interested in a damn good fantasy novel.

Against Me! concert in March, Dispatch concert in July, should be fun, I haven't gone to many shows in the last few years and it'll be good to get back out there.

If there's more I just can't think of it. Catch you later blogworld.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Comic Book Report

Just so all of the zero people who read this so far know. Me and a friend of mine (and hopefully a conglomeration of others) are starting up a comic review site that we hope will be taking off soon. More news as it comes to the forefront, but if anyone is interested in writing reviews let me know at or just throw me comments on this site. I know we already have one review done...since I wrote it, but the site ain't ready for your virgin eyes just yet. Hopefully within the next month or so we'll be up and running, start holding your breath now, it should be sweet.

I'll Show You All

Is it just me or is blogging kinda fun. I can't wait until I start falling behind on posting and my world collapses all around me. Anyway, welcome one and all, this is where I talk to you about things I may be thinking, and right now I'm thinking that everyone should check out my Fake News Stories blog over at That should keep you happy for a while, leave comments tell me what you think, tell me what I could do better, send me pictures that you think I could use in my stories, send questions, send anything you want, just gets ta readin. Talk to you when I have important things to say.